I am that crazy neighbor. Not the neighbor that has ten cats. Not the neighbor that knows all the neighborhood gossip. Not the neighbor that calls the cops at least once a week for people speeding, or burying dead bodies in their front yards in the middle of the night, or because she suspects you deal drugs.
I am that crazy loud neighbor that keeps to herself. but yells. A LOT.
Last night I was cleaning the kitchen and doing laundry while my boys played in the front yard. And every time they wanted me to see a “play” (football term I think?) they would yell out, “Mom, come look.” And I would YELL out, “I’LL BE RIGHT THERRRRRRRRRRE”.
And once in a while I would yell out, “DON’T FORGET .. IF THE BALL GOES INTO THE STREET WHAT DO YOU DOOOOOOOOO?”
which they would yell back, “ I KNOW , I KNOW, DON’T GO PICK IT UP. CALL YOU AND YOU WILL GET IT FOR US.”
Then one of them had to use the restroom. And he ran in and I yelled at the top of my lungs so he could here me, “DON’T RUN IN THE HOUSSSSSSSSSE” which he yelled back, “OK SORRY”. But he ran. So I yelled again, “WHAT DID I JUST SAAAAAAAAAAY?”
Then I YELLED at my husband, who was washing the truck, “ARE YOU GOING TO EAT DINNER BECAUSE IT’S READYYYYYYYYYY”
which he yelled back, “NAH, I DON’T HAVE TIME TO EAT, I’M RUNNING LATE”
Then it was time for the boys to shower and get ready for bed so I yelled out, “BOYS COME INSIDE. IT’S TIME FOR SHOWERRRRRRRRRRSS” which they yelled back, “AH COME ON MOM, JUST FIVE MORE MINUTES”
Then my husband came inside and said, “Gosh, babe. You’re loud. Why do you yell so much?” WHY I’ll tell you why. Because I am that loud crazy neighbor.
Sometimes I think I’d make a great Frau Farbissina, from Austin Powers
FIRE THE LASERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS