OMG, I stink. Seriously. What the hell. It’s been the past few days, I just can’t shake that smell. I shower, I put on deoderant. And yet, by lunchtime… ewwww stinky. I can’t smell it when I’m just sitting around. But as soon as I get ready to go somewhere.. I start walking and there it is. The stank.
I go to lunch and hope it’s not soooooo bad that everybody around me can smell it. I mean, how embarrassing. What the hell is going on with me? I get to my lunch destination and AGAIN…. not so bad. But then I get up to go back to work and there it is.. the stank. This morning as I was heading to work, I smelled again. Dammit. What the hell? No way I smell already, right? I just took a damn shower. What the hell is wrong with meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeek!
Maybe it’s a punishment of some sort for something I’ve done in a past life, or something I’m going to do in the future? Why me, though? WHY? There has to be worse people than me. Why me? I never used to stink. Even in my more active days, I’d run five miles and I there was no stank following me around. Is it old age setting in? Should I just get used to the fact that the stank is gonna follow me now that I’m nearing 35?
Ok, fine. I have decided to come to terms with it. Shit. And then I figure, well, if I’m going to have the stank curse the rest of my damn life I might as well look good. I need to reapply my Mary Kay Downtown Brown lipstick and powder my nose so I can at least look somewhat decent in all my stankness. Maybe I’ll even start wearing old lady perfume, to mask the smell. It won’t be so bad. I mean things could be worse, right?
So I reach into my brand new brown canvas purse I just bought from Avon and ….. it STINKS.
It’s not me, it’s my beautiful new Avon purse that I bought with the matching shoes. It STINKS! HOORAY for my stinky brown canvas Avon purse. I love you.