Conversation With Mamma Twinkie

Conversations with my mom are always interesting. They are like an adventure. And you just never know where they are going to end up.

“I took the car to get it smogged. Thank goodness it passed. It was such a hassle to get it to the shop!” she says.

“It was? Why? What happened?” I asked.

“Well, first .. the dumb thing wouldn’t start. So I opened the hood…” she says nonchalantly.

“Opened the hood? AS IF you knew a thing about engines and such,” I thought to myself!

“…and I noticed the battery cable looked fried.” She continues…

“what the hell does a FRIED battery cable look like anyways? And if it’s FRIED, is it really a good idea for my mother to be messing around in there?” I’m thinking as she’s talking!

“So I went to the parts store and bought a new one. Well, when I came back, I realized I didn’t know the first thing about installing it,” she says.

“Well DUH, Glad you realized that before you got yourself in trouble” I think to myself.

Yeah, I think it.

Pshhht… you think I’m really gonna say that out loud? To my MOMMA? yeah right! You must have never met Momma Twinkie!

“Ok, so I look around trying to figure out what to do and I see these men down the street standing around a car. The hood is up and they look like they are working on it. So I figure they probably know how to fix cars and such. So I walk over to them and ask them if they will help me install the battery cable. They stop what they are doing and walk to my car. One of them was nice enough to install the cable for me. It didn’t take very long,” she says as if asking complete strangers in the neighborhood over to work on her car for free is the most normal thing in the world.

“Oh really? How much did they charge you?” I asked.

 She ignores my question and continues.

“Well, then turns out the battery is dead. So I go back outside and see my neighbor so I ask him if he will help me jump start the car. Well, you know how my driveway is really small, right? So we had to push it onto the alley so he could park his car next to mine, you know? So we can jump start it.”

“Well that was nice of him. And it only took you two to push it out? Wow!” I replied in amazement.

“Well, yeah! BUT THEN he asks me for my jumper cables. I don’t have jumper cables! Why the hell would I have jumper cables, I mean COME ON! I’m a lady. I don’t work on cars. I don’t need jumper cables! Just what is he thinking anyways? THEN he informs me HE doesn’t have jumper cables either. So I got mad at him and asked him why in the world would he push my car into the alley if he didn’t even freaken have cables to jump start the damned thing? What am I supposed to do with the car backed up into the alley like that? BLOCKING TRAFFIC!! I was VERY UPSET! I mean, come on, right? So he apologized, went to his driveway, took the battery out of HIS car and installed in mine. Then I drove to the smog shop and got the car smogged.”

I start laughing uncontrollably. Only MY mom can get complete strangers to work on her car, not charge even a six pack of Tecates, then ask her neighbor to help her push it onto the alley, then TELL HIM OFF for helping her push, scare him into giving her HIS BATTERY… and think nothing of it.

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One response to “Conversation With Mamma Twinkie

  1. Awwwwwwww that is sooooo cute!

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