Ain’t No Thang But a Chicken Wing!

I’d recently been shopping and had this totally cute outfit I was waiting for a chance to wear. It was dressy enough for work yet casual enough to go to Happy Hour afterwards. So one morning I got up, put on my totally cute and slightly sexy outfit and got ready for work.
Everything went perfectly. I looked HOT. My hair was just right. My makeup was fantastic! I’d had enough sleep the night before so I didn’t have those dreaded bags under my eyes. Do you ever have those days? Where your confidence levels are just where they need to be? Maybe even higher?
That's me on the right, with Goocher next to me.

That's me on the right, with Goocher next to me.

When I got to work the Service Manger paid me a compliment which I graciously accepted. I worked by myself most of the day at Barber Honda but about noon I went across the street to Barber Pontiac to pick up the outgoing mail. You see part of my job was to run contracts to banks, pick up the mail from the three stores, then run it to the Post Office. I also took the bank deposit for the stores. When I got there, I got a few more compliments from the sales guys. My ego started growing. I mean, I KNEW I looked good, but they just confirmed it.
Yeah, baby. I KNOW I got it going on! And I’m not talking FAKE confidence either. I’m real world confidence.
Barber Cadillac was my last stop. The dispatcher quickly said, “You look great today!”  
I thought, “Yeah I know…Eat your heart out! but responded with a quick “Thank you” and a huge smile.
Then I walked into the main office. There, the office girls were eating hot wings. They asked if I wanted one. I said, “SURE!” I made some small talk, ate my hot wing, picked up the deposit and their mail and took off to run my errands.
I went to a few of the finance companies, and got some looks from the girls, and smiles from the guys. Oooooh yeah, you know you like what you see!
I went to the Post Office and I got a few of the same “looks.” from the girls.
Whatever bitches…you’re just jealous.
A few more stops and I started feeling uncomfortable. Damn! I like attention as much as the next girl, but this is ridiculous. The guys wouldn’t take their eyes off of me and had what I was convinced was a creepy stalker smile on their face. Yuck. It was TOO MUCH attention.
And the girls…. I mean, could you beeeeeeeeee more obvious with the stares? MY GOD! They would automatically stop what they were doing, run to the closest girl and say something in their ear while staring at me. Can somebody say, “JEALOUSY?”
“I need to tone down my sexiness for work,” I thought to myself. “I’m liable to get jumped by these haters. Or hit on by these dirty old men!” I was barely 21, you see, so anything over 25 was old. Yeah, I was that full of myself back then. 
My last stop was the bank and as soon as I walk in my teller friend pulls me to side quickly and says, … “OH MY GOD, Norma… do you realize you have a huge ass piece of chicken skin on your SHIRT?”
Aint No Thang But a Chicken Wing

Ain't No Thang But a Chicken Wing


3 responses to “Ain’t No Thang But a Chicken Wing!

  1. that is a glorious chart

  2. Still laughing over this one. We used to have this ghetto chicken shack in D.C. called “Wings N’ Things. It had a pink and black awning like a ’59 Thunderbird. One of it’s mottoes was “The wings the thing.” Another was “A chicken ain’t nothing but a bird butt.” Go figure. Yikes. I just checked. It’s still there. I would go over there, but man, it’s not safe.

  3. a bird butt? hahahahaaha…

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