“Hey you should blog about the time we put on that show for the neighborhood kids, remember?” Dee said.
“OH I KNOW! That’d be a good one, hu?” I replied. “But do me a favor, email YOUR VERSION OF EVENTS so I can compare them to mine.”
So she did.
And she did such a great job that there is no way I could change it ONE LITTLE BIT. So here it is. The RED writing is my commentary. The rest is ALL DEE ——
Well, this is how I remember it. We were the bad asses on the block…and all of those little punks wanted to be just like us! No, really. I’m being serious. (CLEARLY SHE’S SERIOUSLY DELIRIOUS)
So…when we proposed we were going to present a play they came a running with money in hand. As I recall it, you did a dance scene with some goofy/retarded skirt. (WHAT??? I LOVED THAT SKIRT!!!! IN FACT IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY IT LOOKED A LITTLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS. DON’T FORGET AT THIS POINT I’D JUST MOVED HERE FROM MEXICO.)
It was longer than you…so there you were…holding the bottom of both sides with your arms stretched out like you were about to take off flying or something. (DEAR GOD, MAKE ME A BIRD.. SO I CAN FLY FAR FAR AWAY)
The dance sucked. (HEY DAMMIT.. THE DANCE WAS GOOD. IT WAS SUPPOSED TO SUCK.. IT WAS A FUNNY DANCING SKIT!)
I’m cracking up right now…cuz I’m getting a visual. I think we TRIED to impress the HUGE crowd with some magic tricks. Clearly, there was no freakin’ magic. I think we started getting booed at this point. (THEY JUST DIDN’T RECOGNIZE REAL TALENT.. I TELL YAH!)
If we had given them some tomatoes, I’m pretty sure they would have used them…or heck, they would have taken them home and at least have gotten something with the big money they spent to watch us! We tried to recover from it and told some jokes. Nobody laughed, but I’m heck a laughing right now! I’m rolling. We sucked bad! You tried to save it with singing. It was obvious you were winging it. Sorry Norms…that sucked too. (HA… DON’T HOLD BACK GIRL, TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL!)
THEN the worst thing imaginable happened. They asked for their pennies back! (IT WASN’T PENNIES IT WAS NICKLES)
We thought we were savvy entreprenuers headed to the big time…all the way to the top. We were gonna be rich, rich I say! But there we were…humiliated, handing our audience of five people their money back. We almost were 25 cents richer! Hey! Don’t knock that quarter, cuz that was a lot of darned money back then. We could have easily bought ourselves tons of gum and candy. (THIS IS WHERE I HAVE TO LAUGH BECAUSE THAT’S WHEN YOU KNOW YOU’RE OLD. WE USED TO RUN OUR ASSES TO THE STORE WITH ONE QUARTER TO SPLIT BETWEEN THE THREE OF US, ME, DORP AND GOOCHER..AND IT WAS MORE THAN ENOUGH.)
Those little bastards took their money back and then went to Eloy’s Market and spent it. THEN they came back and stood in the alley right outside your fence and licked on those freakin’ lolly pops. Jerks! (YES… BUT THEN WE RENTED OUT OUR BIKES AND CHARGED THEM A NICKLE TO TAKE IT FOR A RIDE DOWN THE ALLEY AND BACK SO WE RECOUPERATED SOME OF OUR MONEY BACK)
That’s when I decided I was not cut out to be a movie star. As a matter of fact, I think we’re infamous enough for E! to do a documentary about us. Hey, we’re MORE interesting than Paris Hilton or lame Nichole Richie. Heck, we done more outrageous and/or exciting things than they have…and we have brains!! (WE ACTUALLY DO .. OUTRAGEOUS/EXCITING THINGS ALL THE TIME.. NOT TOO SURE ABOUT HAVING THE BRAINS THING THOUGH!)
I think people would watch. They love to see failure when it’s not them. Oh…and I don’t want to forget to mention that one of those audience members was your longtime Crush… Remember! HA! Hilarious! (HMMM MAYBE THAT’S WHY THINGS DIDN’T WORK OUT BETWEEN US. NAH, ACTUALLY THE FACT THAT I DIDN’T GROW BOOBS TILL MY SECOND CHILD WAS BORN WAS PROBABLY THE REAL REASON. I REMEMBER IN THE THIRD GRADE CATCHING HIM BEHIND THE CLASSROOM WITH THE NEW GIRL WHO HAPPENED TO BE “SHOWING HIM” HER “NEW TRAINING BRA” … SLUT.)
Oh, my God…this is so funny…I can’t stop laughing…what the heck were we thinking…this is what happens when parents don’t have money to buy us Nintendo (the IT game back then)…kids end up using their own imagination. What a waste! D. (I WOULDN’T TRADE ANY OF IT FOR THE WORLD. GOOD TIMES!)