Tag Archives: kids say the darnest things

The Logic Of A Nine Year Old

Over dinner:

Big Mickey: “Mom? I been thinking a lot about this. And I think you really should take the t.v. out of our room.”

(insert very surprised look here… ) ever since they were wittle itty bitty babies they’ve ALWAYS had a TV in their room. In fact, they wouldn’t go to sleep without it at least on with no volume in the background.

Sort of a makeshift nightlight, if you will.

Oh sure, I’d get up and turn it off in the middle of the night but then ONE of them would wake up and turn it back on. ONE of them was scared of the dark. This ONE is now telling me he wants the TV out of his room. This is a very interesting turn of events. Could it be that he’s finally outgrown his fear? Could it be that my baby is growing up? Coudl it be that he’s maturing and no longer scared of silly things like the boogyman?

ME: “Why?”(insert a very interested-in-your-conversation look here)

Big Mickey: “Because Annequin always wants to put it on HIS shows. And I would rather just have it OFF than to watch his shows. So I’ve thought about it a lot and decided the best compromise is to take it out of the room.”

ME:* No longer impressed and now somewhat cynical. “Uh, so in other words. Take the TV out. You win?”

Big Mickey: “EXACTLY!”

I think further discussion needs to go into this decision

I think further discussion needs to go into this decision

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I don’t know what to do with my hands..

“I don’t know what to do with my hands! ” said Big Mickey, as I told him to smile for me so I could take a picture during a family trip to San Francisco a few years ago.

You’ve all seen it, right? “Talladega Nights, the Ballad of Ricky Bobby” starring Will Ferrel?

And while I KNOW it’s probably a teeny tiny bit too inappropriate for a 7 year old, he still ended up watching it.

SEVERAL TIMES.

How did I know he’d watched it? Well, the first time he came up to me and said, “I’ll come at you like a spider monkey” was a big clue. But then when I heard him say over dinner, “I’m still sittin’ in my pee pants right now,” I KNEW he’d watched the movie.

He’s been quoting stuff out of the movie ever since, as kids usually do. And it cracks me up every time.

So anyways…. watch the very VERY VERY short video. And enjoy Big Mickey’s impersonation of Ricky Bobby during his first interview ever. *you might have to turn the volume up because his voice is pretty low.

 The woman laughing after is me. Yeah, I know.. I KNOW… goofy laugh. Did you expect anything different from me, though?

Bath Time?

It just occurred to me that I haven’t had a bath for a very long time. It’s not that I don’t enjoy them. It’s just that my baths (the very few I’ve actually been able to have in my life) usually go a little something like this:

 
Me: rush home from a hectic day at work. All I can think of at this moment is a glass of Cabernet and a candlelit bubble bath. But first, I need to make dinner, feed the family, help the kids with their homework, send the older two to bed, do a bit of chores around the house, put the little twinkies in their cribs… then run the hot water while I’m rushing around the house trying to get everything in order so when I finally do end up in my bubble bath, I can relax.
 
Prep time? About 2 or 3 hours
 
Bath? About 30 seconds
 
Then it starts.
 
I hear, “Mooooooooommmmmmm….. my brother won’t leave me alone.
 
Me: Ignore
 
Them: she started it.
 
No he did.
 
No she did.
 
Who are you gonna believe?
Mom…..
 
MOOMMMMM??????
 
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. (usually it’s HIM crying because she hits him and he doesn’t hit back)
 
Mom, she hit me.
 
He started it.
 
She hit me.
 
MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
 
Me? Bath=over
 
I’m not complaining, though. Really. It was mostly just an observation.
 
I haven’t had a bath for a very long time.
 
And my teenagers haven’t been pesky little fighting pre-teen boogers for even longer.

 
 
Gawd I miss that!
 
 
*Plus, I thought this twinkie-taking-a-bath picture was sooo cute I wanted to blog about it.*
 

Dear Diary

“Mom, I read your diary!” Baby Twinkie confessed to me last night while smiling very smugly.

I acted very shocked and appalled then say, “GASP! You did? Oh noooooo! So then you read how I REALLY feel about you?”

“HU? WHAT???” Baby Twinkie asks a little uneasy then replies, “Yup. I do. Because I snuck in your room and read your diary! hahahaha”

“Oh, man. Did you read it all? Did you read the part where I wrote:

Dear Diary,
Baby Twinkie is too expensive to keep around. He eats ALL my food, and raids my pantry and takes all the snacks to his room and hides them under his bed. I think I’m going to get rid of him tomorrow!
Love,
Twinkie

Did you read that part?”

He looks at me in shock and horror and says, “MOM! YOU WROTE THAT?”

I give him a “look” like.. did you hear what I just said, buddy? About all the damned WRAPPERS I found under the bed? 

It takes a little while.. I can see his little brain working… one-two-thr…..

Then he giggles because he knows he’s sooooooo busted! I found his secret snack supply under his bed!

“YUP!” I say, trying very hard to contain my laughter. “Of course you already KNOW that because you read it in my diary right?”

“Awww man, it’s just like that video you showed me yesterday! MAN you’re mean!” he whines.

“Baby Twinkie,” I say, “I don’t own a diary. BUT if I did.. I wouldn’t write that. How can I get rid of my baby Twinkie? Come on, if I did that, then who would scrub my restrooms and help me wash dishes?”

He thinks about it. Hmmmml… I guess it pays off to be Mommies Little Helper he thinks…

“True” he replies, feeling a little more confident about his position in our Twinkie Household. Now he’s just got to remember to throw away all the wrappers instead of hiding them under the bed. Then he’s REALLY safe!
——-
**to watch the video Baby Twinkie is referring to just CLICK HERE.

Or copy and past this link:

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/552657/youre_out/

There’s a Monster In The Room. Can I have a glass of water?

I’m horrified of the paranormal. Anything that jumps or creeks or has died and come back? Yup.. I want nothing to do with it

 Some people love it. Some people even WISH they had ghosts in their home. Not me! I’m a real wuss when it comes to anything like that. I can’t watch any movies that have ghosts or demons in them. I have nightmares.

 In fact, when I first started reading Lords Part One, by N.L. Belardes, I had nightmares for days. I had to put the book down for a few days. I read a good chic lit, Morning Coffee, by Elizabeth Alan then picked Lords back up later. I’m glad I did! It was a great book.

When we first moved into our brand new, built-just-for-us-nobody-has-lived-in-or-died-in home the creaks and rattles of the house “settling” would freak me out. I thought for sure the house was haunted.

I became really paranoid.

I tried to convince myself it was all in my head.

Then things started happening.

Our linen closet is located in the downstairs bathroom. I know, I know.. dumb place to put a linen closet. But whatever. Well, the door kept opening by itself. At first I didn’t think anything of it but then after a while it was just plain creepy.

I would go in to use the restroom. The door would be open. I would shut it. A few minutes later it would be open again.

This happened for a few weeks and then I started to become paranoid. I started seeing shadows. I could feel a presence over me and it would wrap itself up around me until I couldn’t breathe.

Once in a while I heard a whisper tickle my ear.

Then I started having nightmares. I finally decided to ask everyone if they noticed it too. Nobody had any ghost encounters, and nobody had noticed the open door. I was really scared then!

A few hours later, my youngest son finally confessed! He’d been opening it because he was afraid of what was in there.

Me: “You DO know there are no such thing as ghosts or monsters, right?”

Him: unconvinced “ummmm? Yeaaaaah!”

Me: “Don’t you think if there WAS a ghost or monster in there you might want to keep the door CLOSED so it doesn’t escape?”

Him: “I don’t know, I guess. But it’s just creepy. And when it’s closed and I’m afraid.”

Me: “Well stop opening it because it’s messy in there and when the door is open people can see the mess.”

Him: “ok”

A few minutes later I walk by the bathroom and the linen closet door is open again. We’ve been in our home for 5 years now, and to this day, that damned door is still open. I still walk by and shut it. Minutes later he still walks by and opens it. I don’t fight it anymore. If he feels safer from ghosts or monsters by having that door open, then so be it!

**I’m happy to report no ghosts have escaped from it so far.

If Daddy Was A French Fry

Baby Twinkie asked me this morning, “If daddy was a french fry would you still marry him?”

I said, “no, I would eat him up with a lot of ketchup”

he said, “Maaaaaaaaaaaaaan, you’re messed up mom. That’s mean.”

Apparently I am mean and superficial woman. Oh well. Excuuuuuse me for liking my men good looking and non edible. I make no apologies.

Besides, I just said that to be nice. I don’t even like french fries.

Have You Ever Been In Love With A Stripper?

“Have you ever been in love with a stripper?”
My 7 year old asked me that last night.

Shocked, but slightly amused I said no, and held in my chuckle.

Then he took off singing that song.

“I’m in love with a stripper”

After the initial shock of the question, it hit me. He has no idea what he just asked.

So I quickly stopped him and said, “Honey, you can’t sing that song. Stripper is a bad word.”

Feeling embarrased he said , “Then why didn’t you tell me that when I said it right now?”

The tone of his voice let me know he felt insulted that I didn’t point it out to begin with.

“Ummmmmm I don’t know. But it is. It’s worse than stupid or shut up so don’t say it, ok?”

(stupid and shut up are VERY BAD words in my household)

Have I ever been in love with a stripper? hmmmmm tee hee!

Definitely not a conversation I ever thought I’d be holding with my 7 year old son.

Sounds like somebody is not listening to Disney radio when they are babysitting my kids.

Originally posted on Kick Off Your Shoes And Stay a While on Tuesday, October 10, 2006