Tag Archives: observation

The Logic Of A Nine Year Old

Over dinner:

Big Mickey: “Mom? I been thinking a lot about this. And I think you really should take the t.v. out of our room.”

(insert very surprised look here… ) ever since they were wittle itty bitty babies they’ve ALWAYS had a TV in their room. In fact, they wouldn’t go to sleep without it at least on with no volume in the background.

Sort of a makeshift nightlight, if you will.

Oh sure, I’d get up and turn it off in the middle of the night but then ONE of them would wake up and turn it back on. ONE of them was scared of the dark. This ONE is now telling me he wants the TV out of his room. This is a very interesting turn of events. Could it be that he’s finally outgrown his fear? Could it be that my baby is growing up? Coudl it be that he’s maturing and no longer scared of silly things like the boogyman?

ME: “Why?”(insert a very interested-in-your-conversation look here)

Big Mickey: “Because Annequin always wants to put it on HIS shows. And I would rather just have it OFF than to watch his shows. So I’ve thought about it a lot and decided the best compromise is to take it out of the room.”

ME:* No longer impressed and now somewhat cynical. “Uh, so in other words. Take the TV out. You win?”

Big Mickey: “EXACTLY!”

I think further discussion needs to go into this decision

I think further discussion needs to go into this decision

Funny Friday!

For those of you who’s family and friends know about your blogging habits, do you feel like you’re treated different because of it? I do. I think I’ve talked about this before a year or two ago but it still makes me laugh.

For example, I’ll be having brunch with my buds Dee and Goocher and something freaken HILARIOUS will happen where champagne milk is running out our noses and one of them will say, “You’re gonna blog about this aren’t you?”

Or one of them will “burn” me (diss me? hmm… what is the hip word these days?) Anyways… and the other will say, “OOOOOH, Norms, you need to blog about this and put her on blast”

To which of course first I’ll reply, “REALLY? We’re not to old to say ‘put her on blast’ and are people even really still saying that?”

But of course that’s besides the point.

Then I kindly remind them that I NEVER blog about negative stuff.

Say, for example that I ask Mr. Twinkie if he thinks I’ve lost weight. And what if he says, “Oh yeah, babe. You’ve lost a lot of weight. I mean for a while there your tummy was HUGE! It was bigger than your boobs!”

And what if I glared at him and said, “WOW! Did you really just say that?”

To which of course (hypothetically speaking of course because if this actually happened I would NOT blog about it) he would quickly try to dig his way out by saying, “JUST KIDDING BABE!! You know I’m playing.”

To which I would answer, “I know you are honey,” then I’d quickly add exlax to his dinner while he wasn’t looking.

Well, if all of that happened I would NOT blog about it because:

1. it would probably paint Mr. Twinkie as an insensitive bastard which he is sooo totally not but nobody would know this if they didn’t know him in real life.

2. it would probably also paint me in a negative light because HELLO STUPID???? Don’t ask if you don’t want to know. I mean, duh! You never ask, “do I look fat in these pants” then get mad because you got an honest answer, right?

Anyways, my point is I’m not a very “open” blogger in the sense that if I get in an arguement with somebody or if something bothers me I’m not gonna “put it on blast” all over the world wide web.

I think some things should stay private.

Of course this might also have something to do with the fact that my family and friends read this blog and I would never write something that I might regret later. Yah know?

BUT having said that… (and back to my original point) my life is a blog.

As in.. something will happen and I will automatically think of ways I could write about it where it might be interesting to my readers. Maybe even funny. A lot of times I’ll realize that it’s one of those things where you just “had to be there” and it doesn’t really translate well into writing. So I move on to something else.

Other times? I find that I just don’t have anything interesting to say.

Which is when I realize that I’m living with my eyes shut. And I remind myself to open them and actually “experience” living. If not for peace of mind then at least for my blog. Because that’s what’s important, right? (insert sarcasm here) ..

blogging

Hmm…. I guess this blog entry turned out NOT being all that funny. HU? Oh well! I’ll try again next Friday!

Read The Sign(s)

I don’t believe in fate. Well, I think I don’t.

Maybe I do. Just a little.

But I definitely don’t rely on it. Well, at least not most of the time. Only sometimes. – I guess what I mean is I don’t believe things happen because they are “supposed” to happen. But I do believe that you can learn from them.

Sometimes. Other times there’s really nothing to learn other than life just sucks sometimes so get over it and move on.

Ok so I admit.. I don’t really know WHAT I think. What I do know is this.

If a car full of nuns with a priest driving cuts you off at first you should do the obvious. Get pissed off. It’s ok. Don’t feel guilty. It’s a normal reaction.

 I know I probably would.

I mean, I’m usually pretty damned friendly but I’m only human (no really it’s true!) and I have my moments of insane rage. Sometimes it just can’t be helped. Other times of course it’s unfounded and dumb and I need to get over myself.

bitch

So anyways, flip them off. Then cuss them out. But then… after you realize he’s still gonna go 15 miles an hour in front of you in a 35 mile an hour zone NO MATTER WHAT YOU YELL AT HIM and no matter what gestures you make with your hand or otherwise… I suggest you take a deep breath and think to yourself, “RELAX! Just reeeeeelaaaaax. Maybe this priest cutting you off is saving you from a car accident you might have been involved in up ahead. So take a chill pill and go with it.”

And you really should. I know I do. Because you know, this whole fate thing just helps keep my sanity. Plus sometimes you just can’t change the stupidity around you. You can only change your reaction to it.

And besides, maybe things DO happen for a reason. And who do I think I am to think otherwise? Sometimes… you just gotta read the signs when they are right in front of you.

the_sign-animated

“What does this all mean, in the grand scheme of things?” you might be asking yourself. Well, uh… ummmm… I uh…… I don’t know.

Wait, maybe I do know! The answer is quite simple! Twinkie had WAY TOO MUCH COFEE TODAY.

PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE SEASON makes Twinkie very happy!

PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE SEASON makes Twinkie very happy!

Waking Up In Vegas

Waking Up In Vegas by Katy Perry Lyrics:

You gotta help me out
It’s all a blur last night
We need a taxi ’cause you’re hung-over and I’m broke
I lost my fake I’d but you lost the motel key
Spare me your freakin’ dirty looks
Now don’t play me
You want to cash out and get the hell out of town

One of my friends that went to Vegas with me recently said this Katy Perry song never made much sense to her until we got back.

more lyrics:
Don’t be a baby
Remember what you told me
Shut up and put your money where your mouth is
That’s what you get for waking up in Vegas
Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes, now
That’s what you get for waking up in Vegas

Katy Perry having fun with friends at a club (taken from her website)

Katy Perry having fun with friends at a club (taken from her website)

—-
To her, she says, waking up at home the morning after getting back from our girls Vegas trip was like waking up from a dream. Or a fantasy world.

Sort of like our Fairy Godmother had sprinkled us with fairy dust, turned a mouse into an Alligiant airplane, turned our work uniforms into short mini’s and our flip flops into sexy high heels and sent us on our way.

fairy godmother

While in Vegas we had such a fun, yet-oh-so-relaxing-time, that when we got home (translation=reality) it was like waking up with the glitter still on but the fun was long gone.

I said, “Really? You think Katy Perry is talking about the glitter being fairy dust? Cuz I always thought she was talking about stripper glitter?”

I mean, not that I don’t like her version better but ….

I've always associated glitter to slut dust(stripper glitter.) Not that there is anything wrong with that. *wink*

I've always associated glitter to slut dust(stripper glitter.) Not that there is anything wrong with that. *wink*

I guess that’s why music is so universal. It’s all open to interpretation.

Finish This Sentence, “Have you ever been to Jamaica on ….”

This is me and my friends in Jamaica. I think it’s time we go back. OR tackle another foreign country together. They recently took a cruise to Cabo (we all take at least ONE big trip a year together) but that doesn’t really count as a foreign country.

jamaica

We couldn’t go, thanks to the Sacramento asshole politicians that can’t seem to come up with a viable California State Budget (but they somehow still managed to give their staff a raise) so Arnie has imposed two fulrough days that have cut into our vacation money. I can’t wait till this mess is done and over with and we get our life back!

Small Success

Today’s entry will be short. For one. I’m tired. And two? I’m braindead. Because I’m TIRED!

I had almost NO sleep last night. I felt like I’d drank a pot of coffee right before bed or something? WIDE AWAKE.

The plus side to that is I got to see Charlene Yi’s “serenade” to her exboyfriend Micheal Cera which was HYSTERICALLY hilarious… I couldn’t stop laughing. I was afraid I was gonna wake my WHOLE family up.

michael-cera-charlene-yi-paper-hear

She starts off by saying she wrote a love song for her exboyfriend. She figured what better way to win him back than to write a love song about him and invite him to the Conan OBrien show where she will sing it to him. Conan asks if he’s there.

She says, “Gawd, I hope so?”

Then she looks out into the crowd and points out a complete stranger and says, “This is for you. Oh yeah, I didn’t write any words because the truth is, no words could express for how much I miss you!”

That in itself was funny haha. But it’s one of those “you had to be there” to appreciate how funny it was. BUT THEN…she proceeds to sing no, NO .. not SING.. cuz there are NO WORDS TO THE SONG! She HUMMMSSSS her love song while jamming on the guitar.

Ok maybe that’s also a location joke.. as in YOU HAD TO BE THERE. If you find it on video somewhere, I think you will laugh your ass off, SERIOUSLY!

BIG PROPS to Charlene Yi! For one thing, she rocks the guitar. And two? Great sense of humor.

Anyways, other than that… no sleep… more late night t.v. then a bunch of tossing and turning. Then wide awake at 5:00am where I proceeded to continually talk myself OUT of getting up and going for a jog around the park or something else equally constructive.

Yeah, you read right. I talked myself OUT of it. I know! Just shoot me and put me out of my fat misery for gawds sake! I do not deserve to be skinny. Not with THIS attitude, anyways!

On the plus side? Here are my results for yesterday!

*I was only over by 34 calories! *

yayayayayay! Whooo hoooooo!!!! Not bad!

My only bad choice yesterday?

Salami.

Turns out it’s not as low in calories as I thought. So no more salami for me, dammit!  3 pieces equalled 204 calories. Not a salami sanwich, peeps! Just the salami itself. I COULD HAVE HAD A LITTLE DEBBIE’S STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE ROLL for that amount of calories. Geezzzzz! 

I tried to do a healthy antipasto salad type of thing with the fancy lettuce, salami and an avocado and what do I get in return? 265 calories worth of SHIT! AND… a feeling of having an empty stomach!

Oh well, live and learn right?

monday1

On the plus side? I had much healthier snacks than “12 beers” hehehehehe. And they were yummy! 

A queso fresco and avocado sanwich. Filling and YUMMY! And healthy too!

A queso fresco and avocado sanwich. Filling and YUMMY! And healthy too!

 

monday2

Operation Donut: Day Four

I won’t bore you with the details of how my day went, other than to say I didn’t snack on anything bad, had salmon for dinner (very small portion) and NO bread. Good day unless you count the five beers I had after. That’s 765 calories, according to my LOSE IT app on my iPhone.

Still, it was a succesful day. I only went 372 calories over my budgeted count. But it was all on beer. Now what did I tell you about when I drink? I don’t crave sweets. I had some beers the night before too. And guess what? NO SWEETS. NO CRAVINGS. Hmmm…… maybe that’s key? Switch to light beers, though.

Ok so anyways, I keep getting asked by my internet peeps why I think I’m fat. “You’re not fat Twinkie” or.. “Is the picture you posted your evil twin? Because you’re NOT fat.”

So  today I thought I’d post the picture that sent me into the mission I’m on today.  See THIS:

not fat

is typically the type of picture I post of myself. Not fat, right? Pretty decent?

 

But these? THESE are the reason (or PART OF the reason)

 

reason

 

 

yes THOSE are the reason for THIS:

fat

 

Oh GAWD… how that gut haunts me. So seriously? I need to focus on my eating habits. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. It’s time to bring out my LOSE IT app that I had put into retirement.

And also? I NEED to get some sort of excercise. I was trying to avoid it. But really? Let’s get real. There’s no way I’m giving up my beer. Therefore? I have to not only count my calories, but I have to burn some off too.

lose it2