There’s something to be said about goals. I don’t ever really make any and the ones I do make I more than likely am NOT gonna reach or follow up on. That’s just the way I am. In fact, I find that I end up sabotaging myself by making goals. For example when I set a goal of losing weight? I end up eating 20 pounds of Twinkies and Zingers instead.
So it was no surprise when this year’s (insert the name of the small mountain town near where I live here) 5K Run came and I hadn’t prepared for it. See my friend Dee and Goocher and I usually run this 5K
It’s about a four year tradition.
OK hang on.
I guess I should correct myself.
It’s tradition to PLAN to run it every year. It’s tradition to PLAN on training for it every year. It’s tradition to SWEAR that nothing is gonna keep us from WINNING it next year.
It’s a tradition to promise each other to run at least three times a week together alternating by me going to Dee’s town and running there, then going to Goocher’s town and running there, then they coming to MY town and running here.
However.. sometimes I can’t make it because my boys have a morning football game. Or Goocher can’t make it because of whatever reason she has at the time. In fact, Dee usually is the one that’s pretty consistent about it.
So anyways, come another year. The phone calls start.
“Have you registered for the 5K yet?”
“DAMN! Is it that time already? I haven’t really trained for it or exercised at all. I’m gonna DIE!”
Well in the end Goocher couldn’t make it this year. But Dee and I registered.
And I talked my Lil Sis into registering too.
Then she also signed my little nephew up.
Lil SIS: “I’m bringing a bottle of Cuvee to celebrate afterwards if we both survive!”
ME: “Hell yah! I’m up for the champagne cause! Bring it!”
The race usually goes a little something like this for me:
The organizer of the race says, “Alright everybody! Just a few warnings. You will be running on rough terrain so watch out for potholes, cow pies, rocks, and rattle snakes. OK? On your marks, get set… GO”
And ummm yeah, he’s not kidding.
Start off strong… feel good.. hey I think I can do this! I’m gonna be just fine!
After the ¼ mile marker… oh shit.. is that a.. .a HILL? Is that a hill? Holy shit. YUP that’s a hill. I forgot about the hills. …. Oh gawd Lord help me.
*trip over a rock… but I don’t fall. Recover… keep running.
A few more hills later .. dear gawd….. when is the mile marker coming up! I’m gonna DIE. Looks down (we’re on rough terrain, hills, over looking a creek)
Holy shit.. I’m gonna pass out and roll down this damned hill.
Will anybody see me?
Will anybody realize that I just DIED and didn’t finish the race? I can picture my body rolling and tumbling and hitting the rocks all the way down.
I attempt to take a deep breath to snap out of it.
OUCH. Bad idea.
Deep breaths hurt very badly at this point.
I’m too busy concentrating on breathing and well… staying ALIVE that I hardly noticed the few cow pies I ran over. Thank goodness they are dry already so nothing gets stuck to my shoes.
An older gentleman passes me up. I hate him.
I speed up to catch up to him. Then I start walking. He walks too.
Then he speeds up again. Show off!
I let him have his glory. Not because I am out of breath, cramping and about to pass out or anything. I just figure I’ll be nice and let him think he’s actually beating out a very healthy and fit 37 year old woman. It’s good for his ego. I can sense he needs an ego boost and I’m happy to oblige.
Still jogging but at a very slow pace. Start admiring the scenery. Trees everywhere…I hear the water from the creek that runs right below the hill I’m running.
Uh.. wait.. is that BEAR POOP? WTF???
Pick up my pace but still can’t catch up to the old man. Oh well.
Finally get to the marker that says we’re halfway done. The rest of the course is downhill so it makes it easier because you don’t really put any effort towards running. You just move your legs and swing your arms and pray to God you don’t roll down the hill.
I only stop to walk a few times.
When I get to the ¼ mark I look and see the old man in front of me. A little girl is in front of him.
Oh WHATTAAAA??? I’m not gonna get beat by an old man and a little girl. HELL-TO-THE-NO!
I speed up and sprint as fast as I can. Panting… lungs a-blazing like a ten alarm fire, knees a-jiggling like jello, feet a-thumping like BOSE speakers on the pavement.
I pass the old man. The little girl stops, looks back for gramma and granpa. I utter in between breaths, “Go girl, go! Don’t worry about them right now. They are just fine. You’re almost there! Sprint as fast as you can to the finish line and get your time in. You can do it!”
She speeds up and BEATS me. Ungrateful back stabbing brat!
I come in right after her and look out for my friends. We made it! We did it! We really did it! We ran and survived!
Dee says, “You came in 9th in our age group.”
I laugh because I know there are only 10 racers in my category. I tell her in between breaths, “I’m gonna post that on Facebook. hahahahahaa. I just won’t tell them there were only ten people. hahah that’s funny shit!”
So as soon as I can breath without medical assistance I post:
“I got 9th place, bitches!”
D: Out of ten?
ME: (joking) Yes! I beat out the 80 yr old with emphysema.
And while I realize that’s nothing to brag about? I am posting my results for two reasons.
1. This year my goal was just to survive this thing. But my goal for next year is to actually RUN the whole race therefore maybe even beating my time.
WHAT?? NO I’m serious. Don’t look at me like that! I really AM this year. I swear! *cough *cough*
2. but for now I’m just proud of myself that I didn’t chicken out and hide in the restroom like I seriously considered doing right before the race when I started hyperventilating and panicking that I would not be able to finish it and I’d have to be carried down by the fire department that is on stand by for morons like me that decide to run a race even though we haven’t done one ounce of exercise for over two years.
Anyways, goals or no goals I can at least say I ran it this year. And maybe my sister and I have a new sisterly tradition. I should have invited her before! Because… I mean helloooo! The best part of this whole day? Celebrating with her over a few glasses… errr… ok ok bottles of champagne. (Why hadn’t I ever thought of that before?)
OK ..so back to creating and achieving goals.
Start exercising. Stay fit. Operation Donut back into effect full force!
I want to be able to say that I beat my time from this year AND that I RAN THE WHOLE THING. And sure, I won’t get first place or anything but I will at least beat out my time! Also, hopefully I’ll lose a few more pounds.
*Oh great… Goal setting is always a most definite way to sabotage myself. I can already feel it.
Can somebody pass me a Twinkie please? Thanks!
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